It’s a common issue among Catholic families: When everyone was living under one roof, the entire family went to Mass and practiced the faith. When a child leaves home to attend college, however, attending Mass can quickly dwindle for him or her. That new routine of sporadic Mass attendance in college can then lead to zero Mass attendance after college and then to a nonexistent faith life.

With a growing number of Catholics, especially young adults, becoming former Catholics, many parents and grandparents are becoming more worried by the day about their children’s or grandchildren’s future. They want to talk to their children, but don’t know how. They want them to return to Mass and the faith, but don’t know how to approach it.

Brandon Vogt, a bestselling author and the founder of ClaritasU, which trains Catholics how to talk about their faith, offers three seeds you must plant in your child’s life.

“Here’s the truth; you will never have time for prayer,” Vogt says in one of his videos. “You must make time. The second seed you need to plant is unconditional love. The third seed you need to plant, is at least one seed gift. Many people who have returned to the church can point to a DVD, a book, or a CD that triggered their return. I call these seed gifts because they are seeds of conversion you plant in your child’s life.”

Strategies

Vogt then offers seven practical strategies to get them back:

• Pray before engaging with your child and pray that your child’s heart be opened.
• Don’t immediately start your conversations about faith, start with something else.
• When the time is right, be bold in your approach, asking him or her if they are willing to talk.
• When he or she is ready to talk, listen.
• Ask questions. Your goal here is to find out what deep down is causing your child to not seek out our faith anymore. Vogt says a question could be, “What is the biggest thing keeping you away from the church?” or “What is the one thing that bugs you most about the Catholic Church?”
• If you get to the core reason why your child is no longer practicing, then you can address those objections. Before you do, study those issues so you can arm yourself with proper information to offer him or her a new perspective.
• When those objections have been addressed, invite your child to have a conversation with your parish priest or check out the RCIA classes or come back to Mass.

Chris Stefanick, an international Catholic author and speaker, who spoke last year at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Springfield and is a father to six children, has three tips for parents.

“I have met so many parents who blame themselves when their children wander from God,” Stefanick says in one of his videos. “Can I just say this — stop — that’s ridiculous, don’t do that. God is a pretty good ‘parent’ and his first two children disobeyed him; it’s called free will. So what do you do if your adult child wanders from God? First, pray and fast. It worked for St. Monica. It says that she gave birth to her son St. Augustine a second time, spiritually, through her tears and prayers. Don’t doubt the power of prayer. Two, while it’s important to challenge your kids, don’t let your relationship become all about that. When you evangelize family members, remember it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Keep loving them and keep the doors of communication and friendship open. Three, never lose hope. Even if you don’t get to see it happen in this life, remember God can always get your kids back. Why? Because he loves them even more than you do, and he will never stop working to bring them home.”

College Campus

Newman Centers on college campuses can make big difference

Eighty percent of students in college will stop practicing their faith — a sobering statistic for parents who have college-aged children or soon-to-be college-aged children. So, what can parents do besides pray? Priests in our diocese say point your child to the Newman Centers that are common on most campuses throughout the state and country.

At Southern Illinois University Edwardsville’s Newman Center, they offer Mass on Sundays and Wednesdays, confession on Wednesdays, and a weekly holy hour, eucharistic adoration, rosary, and Divine Mercy Chaplet. There are weekly “community nights” on campus which involves a meal and activity like watching a movie, playing wiffleball or board games, or speakers. They have monthly service opportunities, offer retreats and Bible studies, and mission trips. Father Rob Johnson, chaplain at SIUE’s Newman Center says that not only can Newman Centers keep young people engaged in our faith, they can light a fire and create lasting friendships along the way.

“Ambition, academics, partying, fill in the blank, can all bring a certain type of fun and fulfillment in the moment, maybe even for a decent stretch of time, but the reality for all of us is that our hearts our made for God and we won’t have the peace and fulfillment we really want until we love and follow him in our lives,” Father Johnson said. “Newman Centers aren’t just another club on campus. They provide the sacraments and should challenge you and help form you to take responsibility for your life. Getting to know Jesus may not seem easy on a college campus. Living as a disciple is never easy. The Newman Center is there to help you know Jesus; he is the path to being fully alive.”

The Newman Center of Eastern Illinois University offers Sunday and daily Mass as well as various scheduled times for the sacrament of reconciliation. Students have any number of opportunities of faith formation including small groups, Knights of Columbus, outreach programs in the community, courses of theology, and other events throughout the semesters that focus on faith. Every day of the week there is something going on at Newman, so students have their pick of ways to be social and connected with other Catholics and the greater university community. 

“Faith continues after we leave home,” said Father Braden Maher, chaplain at EIU’s Newman Center. “Just as a parish is the center of community, so too a Newman Center offers a focal point of faith formation away from home. Every Newman Center is the pivotal place where young people foster their relationship with Christ and fellow faithful students.” 

The Newman Center at EIU includes a chapel, a couple of lounges, library, sand volleyball court, picnic area, fire pit, and Marian Shrine. The building is open 24-hours, and anyone is welcome to stop by to pray, study, hang out, or raid their fridge in the kitchen for a snack. While all of that certainly add welcoming and warm environment, it’s the people and the faith filled community that is making the big impact.

“I stepped into the Newman Center opening weekend freshman year and have loved every second of being involved,” said Erin Zurek, who currently attends EIU. “For me, it is where service, leadership, fellowship, and faith all live together in harmony. I knew it was important for me to get to know fellow Catholic students and the Newman Center makes it so easy to learn about and practice my faith while connecting with others. I am so grateful to be a part of Newman Leadership and an EIU Panther!”

Resources

Regional Newman Regional Newman Centers and their websites:

• Eastern Illinois University - eiunewman.org
• Southern Illinois University - Edwardsville - siuenewmancatholic.com
• Millikin University - munewman.org
• University of Illinois - sjcnc.org
• Illinois State University - isucatholic.org
• Bradley University - ncbu.org

Smaller schools in the diocese with Catholic campus ministry/Mass:

• Illinois College
• Blackburn College
• University of Illinois at Springfield

Resources to check out if your adult child has fallen away from the faith:

• helpthemreturn.com
• strangenotions.com
• shop.catholic.com/the-truth-is-out-there