GODFREY - "We can change bullying behavior," said Joe Coles, guest presenter on the topic at St. Ambrose School. "We can teach our children what bullying behavior is and how to respond to it," he told parents and teachers during a March 18 workshop in the parish community center.

Coles is a speaker, consultant and teacher, and is currently Student Services coordinator at Southwest Plains Regional Service Center in Sublette, Kan. Armed with personal experience and statistics, Coles presented a detailed strategy for aiding children with bullying behavior and those who are bullied.

Cathy McGarrahan, principal of St. Ambrose, welcomed Coles to the school. "Students don't necessarily mean to hurt their friends, and if we can keep proper behavior at the forefront of what we do daily, that becomes the habit," McGarrahan said.

"Joe Coles gave us a lot of information, a lot to think about, and he was right on target," said parent Amy Croxford. "I was listening to every word he said."

Research indicates the presence of bullying situations in schools affects everyone, Coles said. Bullying was defined in the workshop as "words or actions intended to hurt or dominate another." Further, bullying was characterized as "aggressive behavior or intentional harm, carried out repeatedly and over time, and occurring within an imbalance of power."

The bullying may be verbal, emotional, physical and, in today's society, through cyber space.

One of the biggest forms of bullying is the "clique," Coles said. "We can teach our kids that we don't have to be best friends with everybody, but we can be friends with everybody. We can teach our children to look someone in the eye and to find something to like about them."

Specific strategies for parents were presented during the workshop. These included effective responses to a bullying situation, encouraging children to develop their interests and talents, and assisting children in developing relationships with other children.

Earlier, at a presentation for students, Coles conducted role-playing exercises to help children see what bullying behavior is and how they can help themselves, or someone else, if they are bullied. The children learned the 3Rs - recognize, refuse, report. They also learned the three roles in bullying behavior - the person(s) with bullying behavior, the victim(s), and the witness(es)/by-stander(s).

 "We don't break bad habits," Coles explained. "We replace bad habits with good habits. We teach our children that instead of putting down a classmate or a teammate, we find something to compliment and we put the person up."

The St. Ambrose Bully Free Committee, made up of parents and teachers, is implementing several ongoing activities to promote a peaceful environment at school, including the STARS reward program, the Student Ambassadors program, and a Bully Free Contract for students.